


it's —not— my fault (repeat it until you believe it)

by hearmyvoice



Series: Bad Things Happen Bingo [1]
Category: Sofia the First (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst, Bad Things Happen Bingo, Bittersweet Ending, Darker Than Disney Canon, Gen, Kidnapping, Post-Episode: Once Upon a Princess (Sofia the First)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-01
Updated: 2020-06-01
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:15:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,542
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24139492
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hearmyvoice/pseuds/hearmyvoice
Summary: Sofia has disappeared, and Amber stays to collect the pieces.
Relationships: Amber of Enchancia & James of Enchancia, Amber of Enchancia & James of Enchancia & Miranda of Enchancia & Roland II of Enchancia, Amber of Enchancia & Sofia the First
Series: Bad Things Happen Bingo [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1741990
Kudos: 18
Collections: Bad Things Happen Bingo





	it's —not— my fault (repeat it until you believe it)

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt:  
> It's all my fault.
> 
> requested by historianofenchancia.

Amber shifted in her bed once more, hugging herself as she watched the ceiling of her room, the plastic stars propitiating a fine phosphorescent light that, in addition, made the tears that appeared in the eyes of the young princess more visible. .

The last time she had trouble sleeping was the night before her first day at the Royal Prep, fearful of making a bad first impression. That had happened months ago, being currently one of the most popular princesses in the academy.

It was terrifying how much things could change in such a short time, and she hadn't been prepared.

Though in truth, one was never prepared for this type of event, and it was overwhelming how much it affected her and how little she could do to avoid feeling like this. Especially with the busy movement that occurred in the palace days ago, perceiving both how the Royal Guard and the servants silenced as they passed through their bedroom, fearing to interrupt their torpor.

And as much as she appreciated their intentions, the last thing she needed was to be alone. She wanted her Daddy, he wanted a hand stroking her head. Even a story would be enough and there would be more than enough!

But she was already a big princess, and she couldn't be tempted by that kind of triviality however attractive they were.

She growled under her breath, clinging to her pillow as if it were a lifeline. Her hands trembled, marking patterns on it that threaten to rip the fabric, and she hid her face trying to silence the sobs that clung to the tip of her tongue in despair.

Her eyes, watery and puffy, had the misfortune to move away from the pillow and look out the window. It was little, but he could swear that guards came and went from the castle, the hooves of the horses vibrating at the level of their racing heart causing a particular out of tune, all with the same news about their target:

_Sofia the First._

Amber had to hold back her longing to tear the pillow apart into a bundle of feathers. That was not the behavior of a princess like her. But to put it on his head, trying to deafen the rattling of the horseshoes hitting the stone, the sounds so sharp that they intensify her heartbeat.

Until she suddenly got out of bed, her stomach churning preventing her attempt at torpor. Suddenly she wanted to throw up.

She wanted to be with her dad.

She just hoped her new stepmother wouldn't mind.

* * *

It had all happened too quickly, more than she would have liked. Her mind was working too hard that she couldn't even think how long it had been. One part of her said it had been 90 seconds, but the other part told her it was too short a time to turn the kingdom on its head.

The only thing is that she was sure is that things would not be the same since that morning in which Sofia was not in her room, her family waiting for her to have breakfast and go with her step siblings— _siblings_ to school, changing everything when Baileywick highlighted the absence of the princess in the castle and in the garden, immediately alerting the royal family and guards.

Everything had taken such a drastic turn that it did not compare to the tale of a princess. Perhaps Rapunzel's, but she had concluded her escape from the tower from which she had been imprisoned with help; but unlike her, no one knew of the recent princess's current whereabouts, she had no way to communicate with her sister, and her happy ending was still waiting.

And even Cedric, the reluctant and grumpy royal sorcerer, and despite his failed spell attempts, had been interested in finding Sofia. Amber was sure to hear him stammering about the importance of the amulet she had seen on her sister's neck on the night of her grand ball, prior to her disappearance.

That ruined the twins' perfect assist. And though they couldn't see their friends for almost a week, they couldn't complain about it when their younger sister was who-knows-where.

Much less when they did not know with _who_ she was, or under _what_ conditions she was.

Amber was no longer so sure that a stepmother who spent most of the time crying and begging for her lost daughter was like those who told stories.

Or that the sympathies of teachers and classmates upon returning to the Royal Prep really did serve some purpose just because they showed that they were not alone, but that really would not bring Sofia back because of many spells and charms used.

Her daddy was trying.

Her mother was trying.

The Royal Guard was trying.

Dunwiddie was trying.

Cedric was trying.

The Fairies were trying.

Sorcerers from neighboring kingdoms tried.

Even James was thinking of trying.

But no matter how stubborn they were trying, nothing and no one was able to find the princess, making it much more terrifying. Security had increased in the palace, and the guards were watching them at all times, as if that could excuse that they failed to keep Sofia protected from someone who perfectly knew how to cover their tracks.

And that was what made Amber so shaky: in the short time they had known each other, and despite the bad treatment she had given her when she was getting used to her new life, she had never responded to their comments, always smiling despite the joke James had made, despite the awkwardness and shyness with which she addressed everyone, helping her sew her dress without a second thought.

She had not known her sister well enough, she had not bothered to meet her, but who claimed that she was not that kind to the rest of the world?

Who claimed that _nobody_ would try to take advantage of this excess of goodness?

_What if maybe it was her fault, the product of all the envy she felt towards all the attention the new princess would receive?_

Amber shook her head, feeling her eyes blaze at the thoughts that suddenly and abruptly invaded her mind, because that was practically impossible. She was one of the most popular, beautiful and charming princesses in the Three Kingdoms, yes, but she would never see anyone hurt, much less someone in the family.

Very well, perhaps she has played a trick on her brother throughout their short lives, and perhaps she had used Cedric's magic shoes to embarrass her sister in front of the rest of the class.

"But no..." she murmured to herself, fiddling with a lock of hair and watching the rest absentmindedly, noticing the specks of dust that crept into her favorite dress.

But she wouldn't be able to wish for irreparable damage like... like whatever they were doing to Sofia. No, no, she wasn't like that, was she?

"Amber?... Can... ar ... us?” She heard voices, but was unable to distinguish who they were, or what they said. She couldn't remember ever hearing them.

That made her feel in danger.

"Go... for help..." She couldn't connect sentences, much less the ringing in her ears that gave him a headache.

Her lungs had contracted and she was suddenly having trouble breathing, the sweat spreading incredibly on her skin despite the panic with which Hildegard fanned her, pleading that Cleo would find help soon.

It wasn't the first time it happened, but it was the first time it happened outside of class. The noise from the cafeteria had soon engulfed them, asking about Amber's condition and questioning what to do, as inexperienced as she was.

And it is that Amber had always shown herself with her head held high, always knowing who to turn to in unforeseen situations. At least at the Royal Prep, neither Hildegard nor Clio considered something capable of destroying her; at least until both she and James and Sofia had abruptly stopped attending classes.

However, at the least expected moment, Prince James had appeared, taking his sister's trembling hand and whispering words. Hildegard didn't know what exactly, but she knew she should have acted when Amber had been so quiet, she being a princess who always had something to say.

She felt silly, and feeling like she couldn't do anything but ask Sofia to reappear soon didn't make her feel any better.

* * *

For the next tea party, Amber had not set out to host again. No one pressures her anyway, and she said nothing when Kari was selected, applauding with the rest of her peers.

This would have been a surprise for all of them if it hadn't been for Sofía not having set foot in school since she was crowned, which was… what? Two, three months? That had radically changed the attitude of both twins, making them more sensitive.

No one was able to speak of the prominent dark circles that ruined Amber's pretty face, all afraid of the reaction this might trigger; mainly because the princess herself should be aware of that, and she was gracious because no one said anything about it.

Unfortunately they had nothing but bad news coming back to the castle, Kari's promise to make this the best tea party of their lives feeling hollower.

“Some clue?" Amber didn't know when the only day she didn't hear that question, even out of the corner of her eye, came from her daddy as he tried to accomplish the tasks Baileywick reminded him of, reading scrolls with vacant eyes.

"I'm afraid not yet, Your Majesty." When was the only day on which the answer had been _not_ negative? She honestly couldn't remember it either, and she couldn't bear to see how her mother had trouble readjusting to this new life, no matter how much her features and diligence in the royal labors said otherwise.

She hugged her backpack to her chest, and quickly made her way to her bedroom before her parents or the guard even became aware of her presence.

She could hear her brother shuffling on the floor, as discouraged as she was.

But now she just wanted to be alone.

Alone so that she could cry without being disturbed, knowing that the ladies-in-waiting would understand if she secured the door, or that even Baileywick would.

Alone to be able to hug her old teddy bear freely, even though she won't be criticized for it.

Alone so that she could blame herself, even if the voices in her head told her otherwise, because as great as her envy of Sofia was, Amber would never have wanted that. Because while James could be a headache at times, he was her twin brother and she loved him.

Sofia had not been by her side since she was born unlike him, however, and she knew it, and still recognized that she would have loved her the moment she invited her to be part of her first dance with their daddy.

Perhaps much earlier, if not for her illogical jealousy.

She peered out the window of her room at the distant town of Dunwiddie. Truth be told, it looked much smaller than she could have ever remembered, if she had ever bothered to look with dedication at how tiny it looked from the castle, its rustic constructions providing a homey feel, perhaps less overwhelming than the one who now resided in the castle.

Being honest with herself Amber did not know how much bustle there was in the town compared to the castle, but at least she would not consider that she had the world on her shoulders. Maybe going for a walk would be a good idea, she need fresh air, but that means being sheltered and just hard to bear. She couldn't blame her father, he wanted to keep her safe, but such vigilance could be exhausting.

Anyway, Aunt Tilly would be visiting soon. Although she may be a headache, hopefully she can keep her distracted.

* * *

"Amber?"

Looking up from her astronomy book to see her father, a tray with a mug and a plate of Chef André's chocolate chip cookies in his hands. His hair looked as unraveled as she had never seen it. His face was insanely pale, and she wasn't sure, but his nose and cheeks were redder than usual.

“Can I speak to you?” His voice sounded harsh, exhausted, and the princess didn't know what to feel about it. For her, the King of Enchancia had always looked imposing, unwavering; now it was only the shadow of that self-imposed image.

"Of course, Dad." Smiling sadly, she closed the book, putting it on her nightstand to sit properly on her bed, gently patting her side in a clear invitation to her father, an invitation that took no less than ten seconds to be accepted and keeping quiet when her father put the tray next to the book, quickly taking one of the cookies.

Something told her they were really necessary right now.

"James told me what happened at school. Again.” His voice had grown softer, fatherly combing her hair. And while Ronald's tone didn't hold back, it sounded apologetic, and Amber's small smile had faded as fast as it came as she chewed on the cookie.

As delicious as Chef André's food was, particularly the desserts, it had suddenly taken on a bitter taste.

She knew that her brother was not doing it with bad intentions and that he was also as stressed as she was, as well as not being in the mood to claim him for telling them about her most recent relapse.

"Daddy, I..." She was stopped, however, by Roland's warm hand on her shoulder, keeping her grounded before she could stammer.

"Listen, darling, I know you're as concerned as we are," he hesitated, and his hand fell firmly on her other shoulder, keeping quiet as she felt him tremble with a force that only increased the tension between them, "but... look at you. It's okay for you to show concern for your sister, but you've neglected yourself a lot.”

Roland's voice had broken, and he cautiously caressed his daughter's already pale cheek. Neither had the decency to speak: neither Roland feeling her cold skin, nor Amber feeling his stiff knuckles as he brushed her cheekbones.

"I'm so sorry, sweetie. I’ve been so concerned about your sister that I have put you aside. The last thing I want is for you to be overshadowed by everything.” Roland gently stroked his daughter's hair, his fingers gently brushing each strand of hair.

Amber cradled her cheek in her father's warm palm, smiling cautiously as her fingers brushed against the rough knuckles.

"It’s alright, Daddy."

"No, it isn't," and though Roland's voice was not very strong, it revealed the authority his position called for, "because in the progress I sidelined you and James, and see what it turned out to be."

Roland's hands continued to cup her daughter's face — with the gentleness Amber remembered from day one, and the princess did not hesitate to sneak cautiously against the king's chest, in a quickly reciprocated hug that she felt cracked both of them. .

"I just miss her, Dad," she said honestly. She didn't care that her father didn't see that tantrum girl she didn't know herself, they had almost a decade behind them.

The king held her tighter with a fear Amber never believed would ever see in her father's figure. his fists shaking as they clung to the adult's nightgown. The lump in her throat had intensified and her throat felt dry.

"Me too, daughter," he sighs, cautiously combing Amber's golden curls, with the delicacy she remembered after a bad night when she was little, "but I don't want you to be inconsiderate of your own life."

"But I can't enjoy my own life when Sofia simply can't. Not after I was so cruel to her on her first day here.” She looked down, suddenly considering the quilt the most interesting thing in her room, grimacing when she saw out of the corner of her eye her father trying to take her face again. .

Roland sighed, wistfully pulling his hand away. His mind seemed to wander elsewhere, another time, one Amber preferred not to be interested in. He was showing so much strength that seeing him like this... the princess didn't notice the way her body began to tremble.

"I know, neither do I, and we're doing everything we can to find her but it's not healthy for you to stop thinking about your safety, I..." The words stuck in his throat, knowing that buying her a dress would not help her mood let alone remind her that the annual Harvest Festival was approaching and think that she could sing the anthem again because it _would be Sofia's first festival as a princess_ — “I think about her a lot too and I want her to come back too, but hurting you won't bring her back.”

"Well, it should!" She breathed out, in a voice so high that it weighed on her throat, startling her father, "It should because Sofia is a great princess, and a great sister and because it was my fault that she disappeared!"

The more she talked, the more she hyperventilates, and it hadn't been long before tears ran shamelessly down her cheeks ruining the little makeup left over on her face.

"Stop right there, young lady." With shaking hands, he grips Amber's shoulders, with enough force to stabilize her but without hurting her, "who said you were to blame?"

"But I am!” She covered her face between sobs, ignoring the dull sound of small steps, “I was such a bad sister that that must have made her overwhelmed, maybe she escaped during the night and that caused her to disappear, I am the only one guilty.”

"In that case, I'm guilty too," a tremulous voice echoed in the room, and Amber looked up slightly to see her stepmother gently holding James's shoulders, who looked as downcast as she was, "I was also a bad brother, And you at least had a chance to apologize to her.”

But Amber was still sobbing, clumsily hiding her face in a vague attempt not to be seen as frail. James swallowed, reflected in his own thoughts for a few minutes while caressing the knuckles of Miranda, whose prominent dark circles and untangled hair clashed against the gentle gaze of the woman, and is that not knowing for several months about her daughter was not the same as knowing from birth that they would have no mother because they couldn't know exactly what to feel toward someone they never had the pleasure of meeting.

"It seems we are both disasters," and from the tone in which she spoke and the forced smile on her face, she didn't seem to be joking. Much less make the attempt, though it was useless to think about that when Amber is not exactly a joker.

James's lower lip quivered for a few moments, and he seemed to hesitate for a few moments before gently removing his mother's hands from her shoulders — the queen didn't seem to reproach either, her shadowed gaze gradually lighting up as he hesitantly climbed onto the bed, hugging shy to his sister.

Amber seemed to hesitate for a moment as well, but that didn't stop her from patting the prince's back gently before gingerly hugging him.

"We don't know where your sister may be," Roland's shoulders stiffened for a microsecond that didn't go unnoticed by the royal family, "but I promise we will search heaven, sea, and land. Our guards will not rest until that beautiful princess returns to our side,  _ I promise.” _

He smiled warmly at his wife, taking her hands firmly to caress her knuckles. Both their hands trembled, but they knew they could pass on the security they knew they needed, and that it seemed to prompt the woman to equally sit up in bed, hugging her son warmly.

The adult looked self-conscious as he watched his family. He used to be imposing, as king he must impose strength both on his kingdom and on his descendants, and he was failing in such work. He knew that people understood it, so did the school, and that even fairies helped as best they could. Cedric too, though he wasn't surprised that Goodwin's son failed in his attempts.

And taking advantage of his family's distraction, an idea seemed to be forming in his mind. The pros and cons. There were more cons for the king right now.

He had promised himself not to turn to the wishing well again from the moment the predecessor queen had become seriously ill, but what other choice did they have? His family was broken, and unless a magic glue was invented and Sofia returned to their lives it would not be repaired.

But he knew he had to be careful with his words. In the worst case scenario a girl would appear on their gateway claiming to be the lost princess, but he preferred that to declaring Sofia the same fate as his deceased wife.

At least she still had the Amulet of Avalor protecting her.


End file.
